Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
