Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
