I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize