Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
