My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
