Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
