Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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