well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
