I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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