I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize