I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
