Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
