you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
