Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
