can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
