I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
