you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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