Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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