no, he came in my armpit
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
