I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
