If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
