You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
