Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
