Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
