I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
