Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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