im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
