oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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