I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
