You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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