Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
