What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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