I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
