When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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