A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
