he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
