So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i think im in europe. pls send help
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
