Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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