i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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