Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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