How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
