As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
