life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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