I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
