I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
