SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He keeps bees of course he's weird
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
