Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the day after is always just damage control
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
this is an emotional support booty call
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I came so hard my ears popped.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize