In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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