I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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