i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
