Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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