i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my sisters under your porch take her home
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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