whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you would pick up someone in the library
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
