When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
