Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
