It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
