Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
