I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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