You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
