i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
