mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
