Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
