Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
