dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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