There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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