Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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