I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
