DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
