I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
