Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
